Jackie's Forget Me Nots

No vase can overflow if you never fill it up.

Façade of Reims Cathedral, France

Outside the Façade, there once was beauty and elegance, but that is no longer relevant.

The foundation has crumbled, and the structure is bent and broken Lol Seriously, though? What I am to people on the outside is authentic as it ever will be.
I couldn’t keep up with the façade every day in Church. I was not real with myself. I wouldn’t let others see the constant struggle of being in a state of mortal sin. It was a battle within me all the time. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t live like two different people. At church vs. at home. After Church, my life was a different story. At church, I appeared as prim and proper. At home, I’d waste all my time on the computer, invite men into my apartment. It was shameful. My life was a constant battle of good and evil. I had a boyfriend who was a desperate mess living on the streets, getting into all kinds of trouble. You’d think it would be easy just to have nothing to do with him right? I know. I don’t know what was wrong with me to keep me hanging on to him. I guess because I wanted to help him, but I was wrong. I couldn’t keep up with the facade. The reason I had chosen to go to Church on a daily basis was to help me get back on my feet after losing my kids and ending up on Aish. I lost a whole lot, and I was grieving on the inside although it wasn’t apparent on the outside. My children meant a lot to me, so I turned to God to help me deal with my situation. I began praying the rosary even leading the rosary in the church. It was for me a big responsibility, and I was failing. I was also a lector. I felt for me to stand up in front of everyone I needed to take it seriously. Severe enough for me to have to confess my sins every day before Mass started. I don’t know how the priest put up with me, what he thought of me. I suppose it didn’t matter as long as I was attending church and going to confession. It was tough, however. I thought if I went to confession, confessed my sins, it would be easy to keep from doing whatever it is again. With the grace to refrain from sin, and help me recover what I’ve lost because of that sin. That didn’t happen, and I continued doing the same thing over and over and over. There was no hope of getting over it. Sex was a big issue and looking back I don’t know why. Today I live without it, and I am happy. What is stopping me from going to Church? IDK. I suppose the fact that I have a new boyfriend.
I was going to church daily, being a lector and leading the rosary before mass, even involved with the Legion of Mary, and the Nigerian prayer group. Except I fell under the bad influences surrounding me at the time. Unfortunately for me. I also didn’t like the church I was attending after awhile. I knew some acquaintances there, who were terrible gossips. They were Filipino. The façade people wear in a church is terribly misconstrued. The building is all nice and everything, but her people are messed up, like me. Catholics are probably the worst kinds of people, outside of immediate family, whose words can tear you apart. You know what I mean? Having a disagreement with another member of your family hurts more than a non-member and Catholics are the worst. I’ve never experienced a real healthy relationship, is it obvious? At least I don’t pretend to know what it’s like to have real relationships. It’s not easy being true to yourself when life experiences have been less than ideal. Nobody likes a basket case (or worse), but my boyfriend loves me, and that is all that matters.

Unfinished Tales are classic collections from J.R.R. Tolkien’s writings before he passed away. It is unfortunate for us that he couldn’t finish them because I loved reading everything about The Hobbit, Lord of The Rings, and even The Children of Hùrin.

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by Peet

I admit I haven’t read the Silmarillion or Unfinished Tales, yet. His creations and worlds are fascinating, and I have swept away. If you’ve read The Hobbit, I think it is a much lighter children’s tale then the Peter Jackson’s Fantasy. Both are great, though.


Unfinished Tales is a collection of narratives ranging in time from the Elder Days of Middle-earth to the end of the War of the Ring, and provides those who have read The Lord of the Rings with a whole collection of background and new stories from the twentieth century’s most acclaimed popular author.

The book concentrates on the realm of Middle-earth and comprises such elements as Gandalf’s lively account of how it was that he came to send the Dwarves to the celebrated party at Bag-End, the emergence of the sea-god Ulmo before the eyes of Tuor on the coast of Beleriand, and an exact description of the military organization of the Riders of Rohan.

Unfinished Tales also contains the only story about the long ages of Numenor before its downfall, and all that is known about such matters as the Five Wizards, the Palantiri and the legend of Amroth. The tales were collated and edited by JRR Tolkien’s son and literary heir, Christopher Tolkien, who provides a short commentary on each story, helping the reader to fill in the gaps and put each story into the context of the rest of his father’s writings.

Unfinished Tales | Trade Me. (n.d.). Retrieved from Trademe

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Today's daily word prompt is Dilemma

What I live on Aish is a government assisted program, and it stands for Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped. What I want is, to improve my situation. Also, my vocabulary :p

The topic makes me ill, to be honest. I didn’t want to discuss it but faced with submitting an application for AISH. They make you fill one out every year, and it makes me irate. I haven’t filed my taxes yet either. I can’t do it over the phone anymore, and Revenue Canada is not answering their phone. I only have one income to report for ***@!sakes! Not that I am physically disabled, but I fall under the category of unable to support myself on a working salary. I had a psychiatric background and was institutionalized a long time ago.

1. I cannot receive any money without reporting it.
2. I am not allowed to live with anyone who works without saying.
3. Any other money I earn, Aish will deduct.

It is a vicious cycle. If work stresses me out, and I get sick, what will not working do? Keep me miserable. Reason I’m on Aish. If I had a minimum wage job, I wouldn’t be further ahead, and in my mind, I might as well not work, reduce the stress, and stay on full Aish. However, being poor is equally, if not more stressful. I need to do something. I am aware that minimum wage employers do not value their employees. Since I am not worth much, I feel as worthless, useless garbage. If companies think time is money, well, I am a valuable commodity and should be paid in gold :p

Minimum wage is revolting. If I work a job, I expect to at least be able to afford some food and a roof over my head comfortably. Salaries should reflect the cost of living if people are an asset to their company. I mean a company/business is much more productive and wealthy because I work for them. I am a valuable asset to them. Who would work for less? Why does business have a capped salary? The cost of living ain’t cheap so why is it that minimum wage is even accepted? The world would be a better place if some things in life were free. On the American dollar, it says: In God We Trust. Then Do It! Why do people trust in Money!? Why have we forgotten the adage that ‘God will provide’? Nobody needs all those expensive things if it only produces greed, avarice, and contempt for the poor.

The cost of living nowadays is beyond our scope of life, but the American Dream is a big seller. Everyone wants to be debt free and self-supporting. I wonder why? Because it costs too much NOT too!! Obviously, when it comes tax time, I assume they pay for it. To be rich comes with a hefty price tag I think. IDK. I am uneducated, so it has only been from experience that I know what I know. Isn’t that how we always learn? Through experience? Without a government policy enforcing a curriculum?

I never learned much in school, to be honest. Isn’t it our God Given free will to experience and live our lives without being enslaved by society? When we are born, we’re just a number. Why? God knows who lives and who dies, even the sparrows. Does the world reflect God or ape Him? Because of so much lack of faith. Being born has only two requirements. A mother and a father. Life shouldn’t be so hard or complicated. It’s sad really. What we sow in tears should reap joy but not in this world. Parents are made to think they are unqualified to raise their children, so they have to send them to school. Why? Shouldn’t it be up to the parents to teach them until the age of consent or whenever they are ready to leave home? I mean really. Where does this happen nowadays? Living with an evil government system is taxing on our health and mental stability. Someone is stealing from us, and I blame it on Lucifer. Who else is there to blame for the world’s corruption? Why do I always do this? Go off topic. Sigh*

We all have a tendency to be unrealistic right? I think blogging is silly or any writing for that matter. To Pretend is an attempt to create a false appearance or make belief. They are words written that are made up in our head. So imagined, we can create something real.

Is it good to pretend? Like, Peter Pan? What if it leads to reality? Can we claim to have a million dollars? Please? Can I pretend to have all I need or want? Let’s imagine it for a moment…

I have an excellent blog that people tend to follow. Thousands of followers love to read what I have to say, sometimes humorous, useful things. Sometimes priceless, meaningful parody’s and anecdotes. Would people like that? I have a blog. My blog is practically famous, and I get invited to places and events all over the world. Such as blogger fest, and Blog-Her but more important venues lol. Travelling is a past time I enjoy a lot. I get to visit many new and beautiful cities and meet people from all over. So yes, I travel a lot. I pick up the latest trends in fashion, and my closet is full of shoes and accessories. I own a big house in Santa Monica near the beach because I make a lot of money from my blog. I have grown my business, and my brand is popular on the Internet. I’ve become an internet sensation because of my articles. I write about topics of interest, and everyone wants me to do feature articles for them and of course I get paid.

Web sites pay me a lot to write anything you can imagine. My company name is FiGoro. Let us pretend I also can draw. I studied graphic design. Let us assume I even own my graphic design company. We are known to make websites look good by providing their visual material for them. #1 in the field. Grammarly has hired us to make illustrations come to life. Ok, I think you get the idea I hope. Pretending all I can claim to make belief for today. Imagine it is for real.

I don’t exactly know what the root word for pretend is. What I see is pre- tend. Not as in ‘tending my laundry.’ But “to profess, assert, maintain.” I like to assert myself in extreme situations. It gives me pleasure.

Let’s make believe I have a yard. I hired a gardener because even though I like gardening, it requires a lot of care to which employees take care of, because, you know, I don’t always have the time. I am a busy person who makes a lot of money and my time is valuable on growing my company. Ok. I fancy my garden, though. It looks beautiful. Strewn all over with colorful flowers, begonias, and plants. I like to pretend I have a money tree, but it is a banyan tree, an Indian fig tree. The figs are used in certain beauty products because it is good for the skin giving it a youthful appearance. We all like to look as young as we feel (forever 21) and prevent our skin from sagging and wrinkles. I also have hydrating sheet masks that help your skin produce collagen and elasticity. I make a lot in sales from them. People love them, not just women. So you see my garden is virtually a money garden. I rely on it for my business. My products are all organic and vegan. No animal testing on any of my products. I need to ship some of the ingredients to our factory today. We harvested a bunch of figs from our garden this year. It kept me very busy. I am blessed to own a company like FiGoro.
F is for finesse, an enviable trait.
I is for interest; you show in others.
G is for Goal, your eye on the future.
O is for old fashioned, and you cherish the past.
R is for the realist, the way you are.
O is for openness; it’s refreshing!

Not pretending, I stole the anagram from here; it’s not a familiar name. But let’s pretend my business company FiGoro is.

Have a nice day everyone!

secureinternet

Don’t Panic if you receive an email from someone you either don’t know, or didn’t send a message to, stating that you sent them a virus.

There is growing concern over our internet security in this day and age. People are being targeted on the internet by hackers making the web experience less secure.

My internet provider includes a security software program to keep malicious content off our computer. If you don’t have intel safe security software on your PC, then you are inviting hackers and malware to steal your stuff, among other things

I wouldn’t know how easy it is to hack a computer but apparently, it’s easier than we think according to April and Davey, a youtube channel. They are suggesting not to panic thanks to this free software security program called Sophos. This is not a paid announcement neither is it a recommendation because I don’t use it personally. as it may interfere with my already installed security program on my computer.

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It is a Van Halen song.

I had a trampoline in my backyard in my early teens. I learned how to do a few tricks jumping on it after awhile cause what else is there to do right? I know how to do a front, and backdrop flip, also the side to side twist. I was not able to get a real front flip in but with more practice; I am sure I would have eventually aced it if we had maintained our trampoline I suppose.

Nobody bothered to repair it after our cousin jumped on it and tore a hole in the middle of it. We warned, so and so, it was not safe to jump on. The rusty springs were bad enough. It is sad because I enjoyed jumping on the trampoline. It was fun. We even slept on it sometimes. It made a good bed. When the sun was hot, I would get a tan while laying on it.

Our trampoline was gold yellow and rectangle, off the ground, and had a durable black mesh type of thing. We could put a sprinkler underneath it and had lots of water fun as if we were at a water park. It was even better because it was in our backyard. Friends would come over just to jump on our trampoline.

Today I think jumping and rebounders are good for circulation and overall general health. At least that is what they say. I do not own a rebounder, but I was thinking about getting one. I do not believe that my ceiling is high enough to jump on it. IDK. I also like those balls you can use to sit on at your computer or for exercise., but that is beside the point. Anything that is fun to do is worth doing. Jumping, exercise balls, skipping rope is fun but walking? Seriously? That is no fun IMO.

My boobs bounce too much when I jump, and it is embarrassing to me. I am not as young as I would like, to be able to dance anymore. Everything flops around

Disclaimer: “I am a participant in the Amazon.com.ca, Inc. Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.ca.”

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The good word for today is Hike

Going for a walk is like taking a hike if you live around here. We enjoy plenty of hiking trails that zigzag up and down the mountain; consequently, you have to catch a breath. It’s good exercise and can take more than an hour for an adequate workout, but the trail that leads down to the river also leads to the city sewer too commonly associated with nausea and acid gas. I always have to plug my nose. The toxic fumes make me sick but hey! We’re in the great outdoors and don’t you enjoy it?! *sarcasm*

Once, I ran across a deer. It’s a good thing I was on the other side of the fence. Although, I’m mostly afraid of other things happening. I get discouraged when I think about it. You never know who or what might jump out at you. It’s disturbing. I don’t want to end up dead by possibly being stabbed or robbed. There is a constant awareness that street people sleep in those bushes. They leave old clothes and blankets hanging around, and you can see their makeshift tents deep in the forest of trees. What’s important for us hikers is that they don’t harass us and that they don’t disturb anyone and mind their own business. The path accommodates a significant amount of activity, like joggers and bicycle enthusiasts on any given day of the week. Stay away from those trails at night. It would be dangerous I think. Although, there hasn’t been any incident or reports of anything on the news that I’ve heard. If I want to be safe during the day, it is always a good idea to have a partner with you. Just in case. That is the main reason I avoid hiking in that area, but let’s be honest, if I wanted to exercise I would, and damn the excuses! Exercise helps me feel better, no doubt about it. I feel more energetic and healthy; otherwise, my muscles are borderline atrophic. I need to work my leg muscles and get my heart rate up regardless of the transients living near the hiking trails. I wouldn’t worry so much for my safety, if THEY ALL TOOK A HIKE!

 

I had to share a word about this new program I’m using. Because I am an affiliate and that is what merchants require of me, and, how I make money hoping I will generate more sales for their company. After using Grammarly’s free software program, I was a superhero! Honestly,  I have been having a ball with it. I actually found out about it thanks to Rachel Silberman.

Grammarly makes me look healthy by correcting spelling mistakes and improving my writing. I think everyone needs this. Try it for free, see for yourself. You may not know this, but it can help you be successful and look smarter.

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Today's word prompt is: Together

We can’t live together anymore. When I moved out of my bachelor apartment, to a place in the suburbs, I was getting a fixed income and living in subsidized housing.
Subsidized housing made it possible financially, but what is unfair was I had to report my earnings to the government, which works out the same as if I hadn’t made any extra income. Do you understand it hardly mattered if I worked or not? I’d have to earn more than minimum wage to be able to get off Aish. Since I haven’t any qualifications, certifying me a higher paying job, I’d need to go back to school. I enjoy Typing; that’s all I can do it seems. I also can be a Nail Technician, but I found out I don’t like painting nails. It could be that I am admittedly lazy. In any case, I don’t have to work.

Living together raises our rent making it skyrocket in subsidized housing. A one bedroom apt costs us over $800/mnth. That is less than average rent regardless, I understand, but living in Calgary Housing isn’t standard housing by all means. Their buildings are old garbage. To live in Calgary Housing isn’t worth paying a lot for because places are less suitable. I pay less rent as a single occupant in Calgary Housing, because of my income but it isn’t fun when you don’t have enough.
Together we enjoy more. Living apart and single is harder on the both of us.
Personally, I am reluctant to disclose our affairs, but we’ve come to the point where we don’t have a choice. CHC won’t leave our living arrangement the way it is, together.

The word of the day is Zing!

My package came in the mail today! I’m like; Bazinga!
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Look!! Inside the box. It came from DK Oldies

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Shiny and new like. Ba-Zing a what?

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I am getting my race on like Diddy Kong with ma new Nintendo 64

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I have longed to play this game. Ever since my kid was four yrs old. Paul is close to 20 now. I want to play it with my boyfriend and now I can. Yay! If only we can install it, you will more than likely find me playing Diddy Kong on my Nintendo 64! Good grief, what have I done !? Man, I do not have time for that shit.

My boy wasn’t even potty trained before he was learning to play this, but I had to take it away from him occasionally until he could go poo on the potty. Such a struggle. I don’t know whatever happened to our Nintendo game to my chagrin; I lost more than a Nintendo.

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